There have been so many times I’ve wanted to say, “Screw it!” and walk away from whatever or whoever was annoying me, arguing with me, boring me…or REJECTING me. That last one is the biggie, isn’t it? You can react by getting mad, defensive, or cry and throw yourself a pity party. When’s the last time I evaluated my coping and adulting skills you might ask. After a self pity session and throwing a tantrum and whining that “nobody likes me and never will…” I realize there are maybe three choices of actions to make it all better.

1. You can plot revenge! It is so fun to think about but probably not going to be the ideal solution to get back at who done ya wrong. Jail is a very real consequence its best to avoid.

2. Hissy fits do feel good in the moment but nothing has really changed when your energy has been expended.

3. Stand up tall and shout, “No! I do not accept this outcome!”

I freely admit to many a pity party, and a fair amount of whining but I have thankfully never landed in jail for my vengeful thoughts.

However, being rejected activates a severe stubbornness deep in my DNA. I have no tolerance for being ignored, condescended to or dealing with blatant disrespect (which I will call you on every time).

If someone I hope to work with tells me, “We’re moving in a different direction,” or “Thank you, we’ll let you know,” or even some form of the blunt cliché, “Don’t call us, we’ll call you,” I cringe! I’ve just been informed I fell on my face! I’ve been rejected because I’ve been exposed as a fraud! I’m stupid, unprepared and out of my league! I am humiliated and embarrassed to the point of considering changing my name, moving to another country and joining a nunnery.

Luckily so far, I come back to reality. Something in me just won’t let me leave in failure. I soon come out of self exile to go on a new self improvement campaign because I will NEVER run from

what I want to do. No one dictates to me what I can and can’t do.

I seem to be compelled to demand from myself to learn what is needed to live my life on my terms. Self humiliation is the worst

feeling in the world although it does humble you.

Still, even humbled and wobbling around with the self inflicted wounds, I know that no one will ever force me to “consider something else,” I’m not interested in or have no aptitude for. UNLESS, it’s a temporary situation of necessity to get me onto my next endeavor.

Being stubborn is when I might ask you to be a part of my project but if you say no, I’ll still ask at least twice more. (And maybe telling you your name is already in the program). Always being polite with my best charming persuasion skills. I’ll keep asking because I know you’re very important to my vision.

If I reach out to you for information I won’t let you forget me either. I’ll pop up periodically on your radar. If I promote myself to you, hoping to be hired but you turn me down, without truly evaluating who I am because you’re too busy to think about what I have to offer, you will hear from me again.

It’s this stubbornness that prevents me from settling into a safe and predictable boring life. I’m a good team player if I feel I’m contributing something only I can do. And I’m fiercely loyal! I love “easy” as much as anyone but getting what you want hardly ever is.

Many might find my terror of humiliation and tactics of avoiding it

more in line with “persistence.” Many also think stubbornness is a character flaw. I guess it can be. I don’t see it that way. My sense of emotional security has become deeply imbedded in a certainty I know what I want and will learn the skills and methods to be the best. So how is stubbornness a fault, hmm?

Hey, my phone’s ringing!